Hello out there in the “real” world. Or whatever you call it. Vern here. It doesn’t get any more real than the place I’m at today. It’s a certain spot along the Kickapoo River between the two towns of LaFarge and Ontario. I’ve overheard local humans call it “Bare A** Beach”. I don’t know about you, but in all my years I’ve only seen a couple of bears in Vernon County. Do you think that is how it got its name? Your guess is as good as mine! Well however it got its name, I can tell you that it’s a great place to cool off. It gets pretty popular with humans in the summertime. I like to do a little splashing around there, but since I still have my winter fat, I only do it when no one is looking. Yeah, we seem tough on the outside, but really most Sasquatch’s are pretty bashful about their bodies. I know I shouldn’t worry about such things, but I think you would be proud of me! I’ve been eating good and been getting my steps in.
I see all types of humans pass this spot on their water floating vessels. If you have never floated the Kickapoo River, I think you might like it. The word “Kickapoo” is from the Native American Algonquian language, meaning “he who goes here, then there”. Funny enough, that my motto! The Kickapoo is the most crooked river in all of North America it certainly lives up to its name, meandering its way along a 125-mile course that covers only 65 miles “as the crow flies.”
If you don’t have your own vessel, you can rent one in the Ontario area from one of the outfitters there. You float down to a specific landing and then there are shuttles to pick you up. They say it works pretty slick. You can go with a group of friends or you can go alone (which is my preference, of course!)
The Kickapoo River is home to very special ecosystem of plants and wildlife that I’ve not seen anywhere else in the world. Many of us work very hard to preserve this paradise on earth so we can all enjoy it for many years to come. I don’t know if you ever take advice from ol’ Vern here, but if you did, please be mindful of keeping our river clean. Do not litter. Pack it in, pack it out, as they say. Do we understand each other then? If so, great! If not, and I see you litter, there’s a chance I will come by your campsite and well, who knows what might happen. I usually don’t like to threaten people intentionally, but I know that if all the residents and visitors alike do their part to keep Vernon County wild and natural, we’ll get along just fine!